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Two panels. '9 to 5': a gloomy Johnny at his desk at 4:59 thinks 'Why do I do this?' under a storm cloud. 'Payday': a grinning Johnny shovels piles of cash into a giant 'Passive Income Engine' furnace with gauges for dividends, index funds and rentals, saying 'Feed the engine. It feeds me.'

Feed the Engine

The job isn't the dream. The job is the coal. 🔥

Split panel. Left: a coworker holds an $18 salad, dreaming of a 'Work until 67' sign, and asks 'Leftovers again, Johnny?' Right: a happy Johnny holds $2 leftovers and says 'These taste like retiring at 45,' dreaming of a beach hammock and a 'Retired at 45' sign.

Lunch Break

$18 salad vs. $2 leftovers. One of these is a retirement plan. Which lunch are you? 🥗 vs 🍱

An interviewer with a clipboard asks Johnny, 'So, why do you want to work here?' Johnny flashes a sparkling smile and answers: 'Dental.'

The Honest Interview

At least I'm honest. 🦷

Two panels. 'Age 45': Johnny at his desk with his JJJ mug says 'One more year. Then I'm out.' 'Age 85': an elderly, white-haired Johnny with a walker sits at the same cobweb-covered desk saying the exact same thing.

Age 45 vs. Age 85

Just one more year. I mean it this time. 🕸️

Two panels. 'My FIRE budget': a smiling Johnny checks off housing, food and travel and says 'Early retirement, here I come!' 'Then I priced health insurance': his screen shows $1,400/month in red, his coffee spills, and he gasps '...One more year.'

The FIRE Budget

Every FIRE plan has a boss fight. Mine is health insurance.

Two panels. '10 PM': Johnny reads 'The 5 AM Club' in bed, determined: 'Tomorrow, I become a new man.' '5:00 AM': he slaps the alarm clock showing 5:00 with the book on the floor, still under the covers: 'New man starts tomorrow.'

The 5 AM Club

Became a new man for about 7 hours. ⏰

Two panels. 'Tax Refund Day': Johnny cheers 'Free money!!' amid confetti, holding a phone showing a $1,200 refund. '5 seconds later': he slumps over a calculator thinking 'Wait... that was MY money. I gave the government a 0% loan.'

Tax Refund Day

Nothing says financial freedom like celebrating a loan you gave the IRS at 0%. 🎉

'The 4% Rule Ruins Coffee': Johnny, holding his JJJ mug and a calculator showing $63,875, tells a smiling bearded coworker 'Times 365 times 25. That latte costs you $63,875 of retirement.' The coworker, holding a whipped-cream latte with a $7 tag, replies 'It's just seven bucks, Johnny.'

The 4% Rule Ruins Coffee

Once you learn the 4% rule, you can't unsee it. ☕

Two panels. 'Year 1': a flashy guy in sunglasses rides a 'Meme Stocks' rocket and calls 'Enjoy your boring index fund, Johnny!' as Johnny walks beside a turtle. 'Year 15': the rocket has crashed and the guy sits in a cubicle labeled 'Still working,' while Johnny relaxes in a beach hammock with the turtle in sunglasses: 'Slow and boring got me out of job jail.'

Slow and Boring

Index funds are boring. So is a hammock. That's kind of the point. 🐢

Two panels. 'Sunday Night': Johnny, eyes on fire and fist raised, holds a book called 'Unleash Your Greatness': 'This week I quit, start a business, and run a marathon!' 'Monday': he slumps at his office desk next to a 'Mon' calendar, thinking 'Is it Friday yet?'

Sunday Night

Sunday night me writes checks Monday me can't cash. 🔥

Two panels. 'The Raise': a smiling boss shakes Johnny's hand: 'Congrats! You got a $1/hour raise!' 'The Paycheck': Johnny peers through a magnifying glass at a slip reading 'Raise: +$0.62,' thinking 'Taxes got a raise too.'

The Raise

Got a raise. So did Uncle Sam. 🔍

'Golden Handcuffs': a mustached boss peeks over the cubicle wall and says 'Great benefits package, huh?' Johnny, slumped at his desk with his ankle chained to a big blue ball labeled 'Health Insurance,' answers 'It's less of a package. More of a leash.'

Golden Handcuffs

Stayed for the benefits. Still here.

Two panels. 'Inner Peace': an angry boss yells 'I need those TPS reports by 5!' while Johnny sits calmly next to a sticky note reading '25x expenses = freedom.' In the second panel Johnny serenely sips from his JJJ mug, glowing: 'Only $312,000 to go.'

Inner Peace

25x expenses is the best stress management plan I've found. 🧘

Two panels. 'My Library': Johnny proudly shows a bookshelf of titles like Hustle, Mindset, Grit and Wake Up Win: 'I've read every self-help book ever written.' 'Tonight': on the couch with his mug and laptop, he looks at 'Add to cart: How to Stop Buying Self-Help Books,' thinking 'This one's different.'

My Library

Step 1 of financial freedom: stop buying books about financial freedom. 📚

Two panels. 'The day I hit my FIRE number': Johnny beams at a screen showing a $1,250,000 portfolio and 'FIRE number: reached!', saying 'I did it! I can finally quit!' '3 years later': the portfolio shows $1,900,000 and Johnny, still at the same desk with his mug, says 'Just one more year. To be safe.'

One More Year

One More Year syndrome has no known cure.

'Retired at 45. Not allowed to get hurt until 65.' Johnny lies in a rainbow beach hammock wrapped head to toe in bubble wrap, wearing a helmet and elbow pad and sipping from his JJJ mug through a straw, next to a calendar reading 'Medicare in: 7,300 days.'

Bubble Wrap

20 years until Medicare. Hammock time, carefully. 🫧

Two panels. 'Mortgage paid off!': Johnny proudly holds a 'Paid in full' paper and his JJJ mug in front of his house: 'I finally OWN my house!' 'The County': a smirking man in a pinstripe suit and fedora hands him a 'Property Tax Bill' at the door: 'Cute. Rent is due.'

Paid Off

Paid off the house. Still paying rent to the county. 🏠

Two panels. 'Chapter 1': Johnny reads 'Think and Grow Rich' under a light bulb: 'All I have to do is THINK!' 'Chapter 2': steam blows from his ears as he holds his mug next to a note reading '$0.00 richer,' thinking 'Thinking... thinking... still broke.'

Think and Grow Rich

Thought really hard. Still waiting on the rich part. 💭

Coworkers cheer under a 'Happy 40 Years, Gary!' banner as an exhausted, white-haired Gary in a party hat holds a cake shaped like his cubicle. Johnny, holding his mug and a slice of cake, looks horrified: 'Forty years? I'm going with four percent.'

Happy 40 Years, Gary

Gary got a cake. I want a withdrawal rate. 🎂

Two panels. 'At work': a coworker says 'Just go to the doctor, Johnny,' and a sniffling Johnny replies 'Sure, $20 copay.' 'After retiring early': a sweaty Johnny in a bathrobe holds duct tape and a red card next to books titled 'WebMD,' 'Home Remedies' and 'Duct Tape 101': 'It's fine. I'm my own doctor now.'

My Own Doctor Now

Early retirement healthcare plan: vibes and duct tape.

Two panels. 'Payday': Johnny happily opens a pizza box labeled 'My Paycheck': 'Finally!' 'Deductions': four green goblins labeled Fed, State, FICA and Medicare gobble the slices while Johnny holds the last one: 'Who is FICA and why does he eat first?'

Deductions

Payday: you order the pizza, and four strangers eat first. 🍕

Two panels. A tired Johnny looks at a spreadsheet asking 'Can I retire?' with a big green 'YES.' Next, sweating and typing frantically, he adds columns for 'Meteor strike,' 'Zombies' and 'Eggs cost $40': 'Just accounting for a few more scenarios.'

The Spreadsheet

My retirement spreadsheet said yes, so I added zombies. 🧟